Waiting is accepting a suspended time where we do not yet have what we desire, but where we are no longer entirely in the present moment. Waiting is often experienced as a test, because it confronts human beings with their impatience, their uncertainty and sometimes their helplessness. Whether it is hoping for an answer , waiting for a happy event or fearing an outcome, this time in between puts self-control to the test. The difficulty of waiting then lies in the confrontation between our desire for immediacy and the slowness imposed by reality, which makes it a moment both rich in lessons and deeply uncomfortable.
1. Recognize and accept the emotion
First, it’s important to recognize that waiting for a message can create feelings of uncertainty or anxiety. This is normal, and it doesn’t mean you’re « weak » or « dependent. » It’s just the brain’s natural response to uncertainty.
2. Occupy your mind with other activities
One of the best ways to reduce waiting is to divert your attention. Do activities you enjoy: reading, listening to music, exercising, or even immersing yourself in a creative project. The busier you are, the more your brain is engaged with positive stimuli, which reduces the wait for the message.
3. Set aside dedicated times to check your phone
Try not to check your phone compulsively. For example, you could tell yourself, « I’m only going to check my phone at 11 a.m. and 4 p.m. today. » This creates set times where you can control your response and not be constantly « waiting » for something.
4. Reframe your thoughts
Often, waiting for the message creates a kind of vicious cycle where we constantly focus on the uncertainty of the situation. You could try reframing your thoughts by telling yourself: « I don’t need this message to feel good, I’m going to continue my day, no matter what. »
5. Remember that you are not in control of the situation
Trying to control when or how someone responds can be frustrating. Accepting that response time is beyond your control can relieve some tension. Sometimes it’s helpful to remember that others have their own pace, and their non-response doesn’t necessarily mean anything against you.
6. Practice mindfulness to stop waiting
Mindfulness is about being in the present moment, without being overwhelmed by thoughts or expectations. Breathing exercises, meditation, or even just pausing to observe your surroundings can help calm your mind.
7. Build your self-confidence
If you’re used to measuring your worth by the attention of others, try working on your self-confidence. Reminding yourself that you’re already complete without external validation can reduce the constant need to wait for signs of approval.
A step-by-step guide to getting rid of the obsessive thought of waiting for a message
Step 1: Acknowledge the thought without judgment
- Action: As soon as you notice yourself starting to think about this expectation, be aware of the thought. Don’t judge yourself for having it, but simply acknowledge that it’s there. For example: « I’m thinking about this message I’m waiting for. »
Step 2: Identify Thought Intensity
Before reacting to the thought, assess its intensity and the impact it has on you.
- Action: On a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 represents a very strong obsessive thought, rate the intensity of your thought. This allows you to better understand the level of stress or anxiety this thought generates.
Step 3: Challenge the Thought of waiting
Often, obsessive thinking is irrational or amplified by our emotions. It is essential to challenge it.
- Action: Ask yourself the following questions:
- “Is this expectation really within my control?”
- “Why do I need this message so much?”
- « And if I didn’t get this message today, what difference would it really make? »
- “Does this define my worth or my well-being?”
This can help put the situation into perspective and reduce the intensity of thought.
Step 4: Set Up “Disconnect” Moments
One of the most effective ways to manage obsessive thinking is to set times when you don’t let it overwhelm you .
- Action: Decide on specific times during the day to check your phone (e.g., 11 a.m. and 4 p.m.). Outside of these times, actively commit to not thinking about it and focusing on something else.
Step 5: Occupy Your Mind with Constructive Activities
The best way to cut off obsessive thinking is to divert your attention to activities that require your attention and energy.
- Action: Identify a few activities that really captivate you (sports, reading, creativity, going out with friends, etc.). The busier your mind is, the less room there will be for obsessive thinking.
Step 6: Use the « Thought Pause » Technique
This is a simple but effective exercise to interrupt a cycle of repetitive thoughts.
- Action: Each time the obsessive thought comes back, tell yourself, « Stop, I’m not going to let this thought take over. » Then, engage in an activity that requires your attention. If necessary, you can also tell yourself, « I’ve decided not to think about this for the next 30 minutes. »
Step 7: Free Yourself from the Need to Respond
Waiting for a message can turn into a search for validation. It’s important to remember that your well-being doesn’t depend on that response .
- Action: Create an affirmation or mantra to reassure yourself, such as: « I am complete without external validation. I deserve to feel good, no matter what happens. » Repeat this mantra whenever you feel stuck in waiting.
Step 8: Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness allows us to return to the present moment and step back from obsessive thinking.
- Action: Do a conscious breathing exercise:
- Take a deep breath for 4 seconds.
- Hold your breath for 4 seconds.
- Exhale slowly for 4 seconds.
- Rest for 4 seconds.
Repeat this exercise 3 to 5 times. This can calm your mind and refocus you.
Step 9: Step Back and Let Go
Accepting that you don’t control other people’s actions is an essential step in reducing obsession.
- Action: Take a moment to view the situation from a broader perspective. Ask yourself, « In 5 days, will this still matter? » The idea here is to put things into perspective and give yourself permission to not be constantly waiting.
Step 10: Create a Plan to Move On
If the thought comes up frequently, it may be helpful to have a clear action plan to mentally change the subject.
- Action: Every time you feel the urge to check your phone or think about the person, replace that action with another activity. For example, you might decide to read a few pages of a book or write in a notebook.
In Summary:
- Acknowledge the thought without judgment.
- Assess its intensity.
- Challenging the rationality of thought.
- Set times to check your phone.
- Occupy your mind with positive activities.
- Use the pause technique to stop thinking.
- Let go of the need for an immediate response.
- Practice mindfulness to calm your mind.
- Put the importance of waiting into perspective.
- Create a plan to change focus.
Things to keep in mind:
Obsessive thoughts are normal and happen to everyone. The goal isn’t to eliminate them completely, but rather to manage them effectively so they don’t negatively impact your life.
If you apply these steps regularly, you should begin to see a decrease in the intensity of these thoughts. Over time, it becomes easier and easier to keep your mind calm.
Do you have a story about obsessive thoughts or waiting for a message that never arrived? Would you like to share it with us? We invite you to contact us here . You can also read our other blog articles .