Human beings have always sought to give meaning to their existence by observing the regularities, cycles, and structures that seem to organize life. We speak of predefined life patterns to refer to the set of biological, psychological, social, or cultural models that guide the development of individuals and societies. These patterns are not always rigid, but they create a background from which each person builds their own path.
On a biological level , for example, life is marked by universal stages: birth, growth, maturity, aging, and death. On a psychological level , some researchers such as Piaget and Erikson have shown that human beings go through relatively predictable stages of cognitive and emotional development. On the social and cultural side , we find rites of passage, norms, and expectations (studying, working, starting a family, passing on to the next generation) that shape the trajectory of individuals.
These predefined patterns of life can be perceived as reassuring landmarks, giving continuity and meaning to life. But they can also be experienced as constraints, against which the individual seeks to assert himself through freedom and singularity. Thus, reflection on these models questions the relationship between destiny and freedom, heritage and personal creation, universal and particular .
What are « predefined life patterns »?
These are models of life that society values and transmits as the « right way » :
- to study,
- have a stable job,
- to get married,
- to have children,
- own a house,
- retire at 60, etc.
These patterns are rarely questioned… and yet, they don’t suit everyone.
So why do we often feel better when we follow them (or try to follow them)?
Not because they are universally good. But because they meet basic human needs :
| Human need | What social patterns apparently offer |
|---|---|
| Security | Stable work, housing, structure |
| Membership | Family, couple, social integration |
| Acknowledgement | Social success, external validation |
| Direction | A clear trajectory (“where I’m going”) |
| Predictability / control | Reducing stress related to uncertainty |
In short : we feel « better » not because of the schema itself, but because it satisfies these needs.
But… is it really better , or just more comfortable ?
That’s the whole nuance.
- Following a pattern can relieve existential anxiety : you know what to do, you have reference points.
- But this does not guarantee fulfillment , authenticity or deep joy .
- Many people follow the patterns…and end up empty, frustrated, or in a crisis of meaning at 35, 45, or 60 .
What if we don’t want to follow these patterns?
You have the right to step outside the box. But it’s more difficult because:
- you have fewer points of reference (you have to invent your own path),
- you risk judgment (social pressure, rejection),
- you face more uncertainty.
However… It is also there that a freer, more conscious life is born, more aligned with who you are.
So in summary:
We often follow life’s predefined patterns not because they make us fundamentally happy , but because they satisfy human needs (security, belonging, recognition).
But everyone has the right and sometimes the inner duty to question these models, to keep some, to reinvent others, and to create their own version of happiness .
4 Steps to Break Out of Life’s Predefined Patterns
1. Come back to yourself: who are you, regardless of the social model?
Key questions:
- What makes you feel alive , even briefly?
- In what moments do you feel inner peace , meaning ?
- What tires you in life today? What sounds false ?
- Do you feel aligned with what you are doing today (studies, work, relationships, pace of life)?
You can write down words, images, or even sensations. You don’t need to have a « big answer » right away.
2. Identify the “patterns” you follow by default
Quick list of the most common social patterns:
- You have to succeed (studies, work).
- You have to settle down early (relationship, marriage, children).
- You have to be productive.
- You have to buy a home and secure your future.
- You have to be « normal », sociable, emotionally stable.
Reflection :
- Among these ideas… which ones unconsciously guide your choices?
- Which ones put pressure on you , or make you feel guilty when you don’t follow them?
- Are there patterns you no longer want to follow , but do n’t dare let go of ?
3. Redefine your own framework
Imagine you have the right to create your own rules for life . You choose what you keep, what you throw away, and what you invent.
Some areas to customize:
| Category | Question to ask yourself |
|---|---|
| Work | Why do I work? For what, for whom? |
| Relationship | What kind of relationship truly nourishes me? |
| Rhythm of life | Do I need quiet, movement, or variation? |
| Success | How do I define my success? |
| Pleasure | Do I dare to experience pleasure without guilt? |
| Spirituality / meaning | Is there something that connects me to something greater than myself? |
4. Gradually recalibrate your life
Changing course doesn’t mean throwing everything out the window tomorrow morning. You can start by:
- Micro-choices aligned every day: saying no to something that drains you, saying yes to something that nourishes you.
- Moments of truth : writing, thinking, exchanging with people who do not live « in the norm. »
- Courage little by little : take a step outside the pattern, and see what it creates in you.
And now ?
I invite you to answer the questions mentioned above in order to create a personal vision map that will allow you to know:
- What you want more in your life,
- What you want less,
- And the first concrete steps to get you closer to it.
Do you have a story about life’s predefined patterns? Or do you just want to express how you feel about the subject? We invite you to send us a message here with what you want to share. You can also read our other blog articles on many topics such as mindfulness , relationship difficulties , anxiety, or stress …